Summer Slim Down

Well, I leave for Florida in less than 3 weeks. About 3 weeks ago, I told my husband that it's time we start to eat better in preparation for looking at least acceptable in our swimsuits and shorts. Since that time, I've been eating like a mad woman. I eat my lunch and what the kids leave over in their lunch. I eat cookies and cake and candy at least once a day (more likely twice). I've actually realized that I've been sneaking food. I ate a doughnut last night in the kitchen before coming downstairs to watch TV with my husband so he wouldn't know I was eating it. I sneak jellybeans so my kids don't see me (I do rationalize this saying that I don't want them to eat too much candy and to see their mommy eating it would send the wrong message).

I feel fat. I haven't been thin (except maybe 2 years of my life from 17-19 years old) my whole life. But, now I feel terrible. I hate when I get this heavy to feel this way. Yet, when I feel this way, I always seem to want to eat more. It's got to stop somewhere. I don't want to go up another size. So, my plan is to start to cut back. Of course, I've had this plan before. This morning, I've stayed with the plan. I had only one poptart instead of the normal two and the leftovers of my kids (which probably equals a total of 3). I'm starving!! But, I'm trying to remember the big picture. It's getting warmer. Do I want to have this current body in summer wear??? NO WAY!

How do you all resist? Where does your willpower come from?

Success -- Sort Of

Well everyone, after I published yesterday's post about Soduku, I spent a quiet evening watching the fourth Harry Potter movie. It was EXCELLENT!! Even my husband liked it and he's not a Harry Potter fan. Anyway, after the movie, I was feeling pretty good so I thought I'd give it another try at Soduku. I was sucessful. I finished not one, but two. I was feeling quite confident, so I returned to the original two puzzles that had stumped me. I thought I could definitely do them now. WRONG! I still can't figure out the two original puzzles I attempted. And, they are earlier in the book than the two I could solve. What's the deal?? I won't let those puzzles beat me! Of course, I now need to rewrite the grid as I've erased holes in them. But, I will persevere and win. It's only a matter of time.

I HATE Soduku

My husband has recently gotten into doing those Soduku puzzles. Do you know what I'm talking about? Those number puzzles where you have to put the numbers 1-9 in boxes and rows and not have any repeats. Well, I bought him a book of these puzzles. Last night, we didn't feel like being in each other's company (another story, another post maybe) and there was nothing I wanted to watch on TV. So, I picked up this book of "logic" puzzles. I sat in my bed with a brand new pencil with a brand new eraser. Two hours later, my pencil point is blunt, my eraser is practially nonexistent and I have yet to finish one puzzle. And, to make myself feel worse, I'm working on the puzzles the author calls, "light and easy." Now, I like logic puzzles. I've bought books of them in the past and have been much more successful. Yet, these Soduku puzzles are beyond me. I tried again this afternoon. My husband, helpful guy that he is, decides to try to "help" me. Not a really good idea at this juncture in our relationship. I'm thinking, "how about helping with the laundry instead of logic puzzles," but I digress. Needless to say, I have yet to solve a puzzle and I feel really dumb. I can only blame the children (and maybe my husband a little) as I feel as I have gotten stupidier since my kids were been born. I shall let you know if I ever succeed because I am now obsessed and will not rest until I finish one!

Wish me luck!

Puppy Love at Age 3??

My little 3-year-old daughter has her first crush (well, second, if you count her fasination with Go, Diego, Go). And, she seems to like older men.

My little girl goes to preschool 2xweek. Once in a while, her teacher brings her son, Jack (age 8) to school with her (I guess when he doesn't have school). This has happened twice this year. Let me tell you, my daughter is a different woman when she gets home from school on a day Jack was there. The first time, in early February, she came home goofy. That's the only word I can think of that describes her behavior. She was giggly, couldn't stop smiling, and almost had stars in her eyes. When I asked her about school, she didn't give me the normal response, "I'll tell you later." She said, "Jack was here today." Jack?? Her teacher told me her son was in class today, that must be Jack. As the day unfolds, I hear more and more about Jack. Then, when we're getting Valentine's ready for her class, my daughter INSISTS that we make one for Jack to give to her teacher. The whole situation made me smile. Cute, right?

Well, Jack was in class last week. I could tell as soon as I picked up my little girl. She was goofy!! Then, I didn't even have to ask about school -- she volunteered, "Jack was here today." I heard all about how she chased Jack and they played hide and seek. This is the girl who won't talk to anyone at school.

When I go to a conference, the teacher and I laugh about the crush on Jack. The teacher sees what I do. My daughter just lights up when she sees Jack. If I didn't know better, I'd say she's "in love." In fact, she only has to be talking about Jack to light up. I normally wouldn't be worried (yeah, right!) but, get this, the teacher says that on the playground my daughter and Jack ran behind the playhouse! WHAT?!


If my daughter is like this at age 3, what do I have to look forward to in high school?

MA

My name is Nicole. I am a neurotic stay-at-home mom of two little ones – one girl, one boy. God grant me the serenity…….

Is this how it would go at an AA meeting for moms? Would it be called MA – Mother’s Anonymous? I sometimes wonder if there should be such a thing, a place for moms to go to kick the guilt habit. How many days are you guilt-free? Today is the first day of my guilt-free life.

You have to take it one day at a time and everyone does need a sponsor. You know, some other mother who has been there, felt that. Someone who can talk you down from a guilt bender after your 20-month-old son falls and cuts open his head at the store while your back is turned. Or, who can make you feel like it’s okay to sometimes hide in the bathroom from your children and it doesn’t make you a bad mother.

Mothers would meet as often as necessary in the basements of churches and community centers to divulge their stories, receive validation on the difficulty of parenting without guilt, and get support to go back to their families and be good moms.

Is there a need out there for this program?? I’m ready to join.

I Am From.....

I read a post at True Jersey Girl who did this writing exercise. I thought it looked great and wanted to give it a try:


I am from flannel pajamas, from Dove soap and Peter Pan Peanut Butter.
I am from the a plumbing disaster that has a park-like atmosphere. Crumbling walkway to a brand new front door, welcome to the playroom of disaster.

I am from the misplaced tulips and daffodils straining to survive while the giant Lamb's Ear grows wider and rounder as each season goes by.

I am from Christmas Eve readings of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas and competing traditions, from Sandy and Mike and their significant others.

I am from the need to be center of it all and the favorite, competing with others in the family just to be noticed.

From second place is still a loser and you're smarter than that to being others are uncomfortable because we're better. Does that even make sense?

I am from trying to be a good Catholic for my little ones, but struggling with what that all means.

I'm from NJ with some Indiana mixed in, enough Italian sauce and meatballs to share.

From the competitive nature that believes "I scratch your back you scratch mine" along with "It's not what you know but who you know." These mottos are followed to achieve the best, letting nothing stand in your way.

I am from pictures in mismatched frames all around the house from every holiday, birthday or event you can imagine along with hundreds of snapshots put away in the drawers waiting to be placed in an album. Old family furniture odds and ends with which we can't part -- A baby grand piano that hasn't been tuned in over 20 years, but banged on by the next generation. Tons of handmade quilts stored in the hope chest in hope of one day being used.


Well, I'm not a professional, but I gave it a shot.

Daddy's Girl

Well, I've been struggling with a parental "crisis" of my own over the past week. I didn't know if I should write about it, but since my father has made the newspaper, I guess it's not a secret. My father has recently been having marital problems with his third wife, that's right, I said third wife. He has been "struggling" with whether to leave her or not. Well, on Saturday, which was supposed to be a fun father/daughter day out, he dropped the bomb on me that he's been seeing another woman. By "seeing," he seems to mean "staying with" or "living with" this woman. It has been three weeks and I didn't even know. Can I say I felt hurt? Yes, I believe I can. But, being the daddy's girl that I am, I smiled and said, "As long as your happy." Yet, as things have sunk in, I don't think that it's "as long as he's happy." He's really hurting a lot of people.

First of all, this woman he's "seeing" has a six-year-old daughter that lives with her (not to mention the five other kids she's has). What about that little girl? Are you getting involved with someone with a child without thinking it all through? This little girl doesn't need to be hurt, again. From what I understand, she's been through enough. Her father's in jail and her mother's last boyfriend sounds like a kook.

I should mention that this ex-boyfriend that I just brought up has threatened to kill my father and this woman (hence, the newspaper article). This has affected his job, since the threat was made to my father's employer, my father has been put on administrative leave from his job until an investigation is completed. As part of this investigation, as per the newspaper article, is whether there was any misconduct with this woman in my father's office. Very nice, right??

I actually feel sorry for my father's wife. She works in the town where all this is occuring. People talk. It must be so humiliating. I'm embarrassed and it's not directly happening to me.

Oh, the feelings I'm experiencing are reminiscent of when my parents divorced 20 years ago. Yet, I'm too much of a daddy's girl to tell him how I really feel. Why? I'm 31 years old and should not be afraid of upsetting my father, right? He didn't seem too concerned about upsetting me, especially when he put me on the phone with this woman on Saturday (about 1 hour after telling me about her).

SO FRUSTRATED AND HURT!!!!!

I'm Sorry

I'm Sorry -- these two little words should be easy to say, especially to someone you love so much. But, I find it difficult to say sometimes, especially to my husband. I'm not really sure why. I spend a great deal of my time worried that people are angry with me. If I don't get the exact tone from them that I expect, I wonder what I said or did to upset them. If I don't get a call back immediately, I spend lots of time trying to figuring out what I did. It's rather exhausting. I'm almost always ready to apologize for whatever wrong I imagine I've commited to these other people. But, when it comes to my husband, I just don't want to apologize. Why is that? Shouldn't he be the one I care about mending things with the most? In most cases, my husband deserves an apology and these other imagined transgressions really don't.

Lately, my husband and I are having trouble talking to each other. We seem to be reading into comments meaning that just isn't there. Our tones are not nice, we seem harsh and unforgiving. I know a good part of this problem is me. I've been hypervigilant to his words, tone, etc. I get angry at the drop of a hat and I start in on him over stupid things. Then, of course, it escalates and he's mad. I know I should apologize, instead I demand an apology from him. That's what our arguments usually turn into, each of us demanding an apology from the other. When one of us finally submits and apologizes, the other one is rarely gracious about it. Although, I'm often less gracious than he is.

Why do we put so much effort into obtaining these apologies? Why does one of us have to right and the other one wrong? Is that why I don't want to apologize, I don't want to be wrong? Before we got married, my husband was much faster at apologizing. Now, he's as stubborn as I. Am I such a bad influence? He must be fed up.

I think part of the problem for me not apologizing during an argument is that I feel like I'm always apologizing for my cranky behavior at other times. I feel so guilty all the time and I'm always saying I'm sorry for something, like wanting to go out alone for awhile. I guess I'm tired of apologizing. But, maybe I'm apologizing at the wrong time for the wrong things.

I just hope we can stop reading so much into each other's words and moods and take what is said for what is actually said. Then, maybe we won't have to say I'm sorry so much.

How My Kids Make Me Smile

I spend most posts complaining about motherhood. But, there are some really great times that put a smile on my face. Either my kids do something or say something that really makes me happy. I'd thought I share a few from the past couple of days.

1. I took my two little ones to see Doogle yesterday (not a great movie). Before the movie started, the theatre runs a bunch of ads, trivia questions, etc. on the movie screen. A picture of Jennifer Aniston appears and my daughter says, "Look Mommy, she looks like you." Well, if anything ever made me feel good, it was that. I look nothing like Jennifer Aniston, buy my daughter sees me as pretty as she is.

2. We have to fight my 20-month-old son to brush his teeth everyday. But, as you can see in these pictures, he gets the idea of it all.


Here, my son is brushing the baby's teeth very meticulously.


Here, he's taking the baby to the sink to spit. He, of course, provided the spitting sounds. Very cute!!!



3. My daughter also amazes me sometimes with the comparisons she's able to make at 3-years-old. Maybe it's normal, but I, as her mother, I find it extraordinary. For example, we were watching Beauty and the Beast. At the point that the Beast comes to save Belle from the wolves, my daughter turns to me and says, "Look, it's just like when Alex saves his friends from the Foosas." (from the movie Madagascar). I couldn't believe it. It is very similar. She must be a genius!

So, I'm going to try to remember these great things that my kids do and say the next time I'm annoyed and aggravated and wondering how I'm going to make it without going insane. I'll remember the joys of motherhood -- watching my children learn (and complimenting me)!

Emergency Friends

Today, I had an emergency at Babies R' Us. I was shopping with my two little ones for a baby shower gift. After they cooperated and let me find what I was looking for, I decided to let them play in the toy section. There was my first mistake. My daughter made a beeline for the tricycles that she likes to ride around the toy section. I thought it would keep her busy for awhile. Unfortunately, there were two tricycles available. My 20-month-old son wanted to try, too. I took the tricycle out for him. He couldn't do it and seemed to lose interest. I put it back on the shelf as he walked over to a musical toy. I then turned around to look for my daughter making sure she wasn't running over anyone -- that was my second mistake. Aparently, my son wasn't finished with the tricycle. He managed to get it off the shelf and attempted to get on it. However, he fell over and cut his forehead on the metal shelf that the tricycle had been on. At first, I thought he just fell and was somewhat annoyed he was carrying on so much. I scooped him up and heard a scream I never heard before. I looked down and saw blood, lots of blood. While I normally pride myself on being the calm one in a difficult situation, this time I FREAKED. I was hysterical. Workers swarmed on me in seconds. I'm screaming to get my daughter, who, at first, freaked, but calmed extremely fast and remained calm under pressure for the rest of the day (I'm very proud of my little 3-year-old who is usually not calm). Anyway, they brought me and my children to the back room to try to calm me down. Let me say, the staff at Babies R' Us was exceptional. Very accomodating, helpful. But, the real lifesavers were my friends. I didn't want to call my husband while I was hysterical since he was over an hour away and couldn't do much anyway. So, Babies R' Us helped me contact two of my friends who dropped everything and made it to me in 20 minutes. One friend, fresh from the shower, got dressed, woke up her son, picked up her daughter at school and arrived to get my little girl (all in 20 minutes). My other friend, who I reached on her cell phone, switched cars with her mother, arranged for her mom to go to her house for when her daughter got home from school and arrived at Babies R' Us to drive my son and me to the hospital (again in about 20 minutes). My one friend took my daughter to lunch and kept her busy practically all day. My other friend drove me to the hospital (when I didn't even know where to go), sat with us, came in with us, and listened to the doctor's instructions because there is no way I remember when I'm stressed. I'm just so lucky to have such good friends that I can really count on in an emergency. There's nothing like Emergency Friends!! Thanks ladies.

My son is fine. They were able to use Dermabond to avoid stiches. I'm proud to say he didn't cry once at the hospital. I wish I could say the same for his mother. He's running around, making me more nervous than ever.

Crazy Hip Blog Mama?

What does being a crazy hip blog mama mean to me?

Well, I'm not sure I fit the category. Crazy, yes as I've been told by past boyfriends, occasionally my husband, and even my daughter. Hip, not sure, my big idea of a night out of on the town is a Tricky Tray?? Blog, not yet as I haven't figured out how to make a beautiful web page which is very personal to me. I have a standard template provided by blogger. Mama, definitely, as I hear my son call me that in a sort of a chant in the middle of the night (mama, mama, mama, mama....)

So, while I don't think I've totally met the qualifications to be a crazy hip blog mama, it truly is one of my aspirations. Can anyone help me become hip??

Should Weekends Be Like This?

This Winter has really been rough. I don't even mean the weather. It just seems that we are totally bored!! I think I'm going to go insane. I used to look forward to the weekends. My husband was home and we would do something fun as a family. They were like mini-vacations (as far as vacationing goes w/two little ones). But, lately, I'm just aggravated and STILL bored.

Instead of doing things together, we sit around saying, "Any ideas about what to do?" I mean how many trips to the mall, to Target, to the pet store, to BJs can one family take? And, the thought of trying something else on the weekend doesn't seem to be a good alternative because all I think of is how crowded it will be because no one else has anything to do either. So, we end up staying home, playing with the same toys we play with everyday, watching the same movies we watch everyday, and getting on each other's nerves. At least, I get a nap in each day. But that's what I mean, the only good part of the weekend are my naps.

I resorted to making plans for myself on the weekends and leaving them all behind. Not the nicest thing for my husband. Although, he recently told me he doesn't mind staying home on the weekends and sometimes he's relieved when I go out. He says I make him nervous because I'm so aggravated. While I should be relieved he wants me to go, part of me is hurt. Am I that terrible to be around?

When will the fun come back? What should we do until Spring? HELP

Dr. Jekyll and Baby Hyde

I am frusterated with my 20-month-old son. He is the cutest (And, I'm not bias) little boy in the world. He is sooo cuddly. He always wants to hug me and give me kisses. The other day, he grabbed my two cheeks with his hands and planted one big kiss on me. He didn't want to let go. It was quite a moment, such passion!! The little girls are in trouble when my loverboy here gets of age. But, then in an instant, he'll start hitting me. Or, he's yelling likes he's posessed, throwing himself on the floor. And, at night, it's unbelievable. Last night, my son screamed for over an hour. We went in once, tried to give him his pacifiers and we left. He threw everything out of his crib and spent the next 50 minutes kicking the sides of his crib and yelling. I don't know if any of you saw The Excorcism of Emily Rose, but I truly thought my son was posessed. I heard sounds come out of him I never heard from another baby. I was so upset I was crying. I'm really worried about him. As a psychologist, I'm always thinking the worst possible things and wondering how I'm messing him up. My husband says it's just a stage, but something inside says there is something to worry about. I mean doesn't this look like the face of an angel?

Where does my cuddly, love monster go?

Mom's Contract

I want to renogiate my mother's contract. I must not have been awake when they told me the demands of the job. Here are my demands:

1. I want 6 sick days. This means, I want 6 days where I get to stay in bed if I don't feel good and someone else cares for my kids. There is no letting the kids play in the room, climb on me, and there are no questions about what to do with them.

2. I was two weeks vacation. This means, I want to have two weeks where I get to do something I want without having to consider what everyone else wants or if anyone will flip out during the time I'm engaging in such activity. If this requires me to go and do it all by myself, then so be it.

3. I was a raise. Which means, I want to get paid something. Who should pay me? I'm not sure. But, right now, with a salary of $0 per year, I'm entirely underpaid.

4. I want to supervise people who actually listen to what I say and do what they are told.

5. I want a lunch hour (however, I'm willing to settle for 10 minutes).

If my demands are not met, I will.........

Continue what I'm doing because I love my family too much to go on strike (although, I've considered it).