Not Allowed
This post may spark some angry reactions from the working moms and dads out there. I don't mean to start that age old fight. This is going to be about me and my working husband and my (I admit) unfair feelings. So, take it all with a grain of salt, knowing I'm in for another very long week.
When my husband and I got married, it was understood that I was the moody one. My moods change drastically and quickly. It's my right to be in a bad mood if it strikes me. And, it is my husband's duty to put up with said mood and be the "even" one. It doesn't sound fair to my husband, but he knew what he was getting himself into. We dated for five years first and I never hid this part of my personality.
Now, these moods of mine have become even more erratic since the lovely little ones arrived. By the time he gets home from work, I'm pretty much finished. I feel like I'm off the clock and he should take over, immediately.
NOW, here's the part you're really going to hate about me........ I figure my husband is home from work, happy to be away from the grind and should be in a good mood. Okay, if not a good mood, at least a bearable mood, ready to take his turn with the kids. Well, lately, things have not worked out this way. He comes home mad, frustrated, tired, and NOT so much helpful. He tries, but he's snapping at the kids (much like I do when I'm all of the above), snapping at me, and just dragging.
I understand work has been BRUTAL for him lately. He hates it and hasn't had much luck finding a new job. And, I feel for him. I really do. It's not fun to go to a job you hate everyday. BUT, he also gets to leave, be by himself for a car ride, listening to his own stuff (not Dora or JoJo Circus). He has had a day of going to the bathroom alone. If work gets too bad, he can close his office door for a few minutes of quiet. In contrast, I don't get to leave (okay, occasionally for a few hours, but basically 24/7 here), I rarely get to listen to anything in the car except Dora, JoJo, screaming, etc. I never get to the bathroom alone. It seems even when my husband is home, the kids find me in the bathroom (note: get the locks fixed on the bathroom). I can't close the doors on my kids (I know, I've tried).
So, it causes me extra stress when my husband comes home very angry and frustrated because now it's just more for me to take care of. I'm the moody one who pouts and complains. He's not allowed!
----------------------------------------------------
Now, I didn't post that when I wrote it yesterday before my husband arrived home. I feel ashamed. My husband, who did have another horrible day, was wonderful when he got home. He helped with the kids, gave them baths when I went food shopping, and, when we went to bed, asked, "do you want to go out tomorrow when I get home? I know it's been rough with the kids lately."
I am a horrible wife with the best husband in the world. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! (But, could he please pick up his dirty clothes?)
I know--who feels sorry for my husband?
When my husband and I got married, it was understood that I was the moody one. My moods change drastically and quickly. It's my right to be in a bad mood if it strikes me. And, it is my husband's duty to put up with said mood and be the "even" one. It doesn't sound fair to my husband, but he knew what he was getting himself into. We dated for five years first and I never hid this part of my personality.
Now, these moods of mine have become even more erratic since the lovely little ones arrived. By the time he gets home from work, I'm pretty much finished. I feel like I'm off the clock and he should take over, immediately.
NOW, here's the part you're really going to hate about me........ I figure my husband is home from work, happy to be away from the grind and should be in a good mood. Okay, if not a good mood, at least a bearable mood, ready to take his turn with the kids. Well, lately, things have not worked out this way. He comes home mad, frustrated, tired, and NOT so much helpful. He tries, but he's snapping at the kids (much like I do when I'm all of the above), snapping at me, and just dragging.
I understand work has been BRUTAL for him lately. He hates it and hasn't had much luck finding a new job. And, I feel for him. I really do. It's not fun to go to a job you hate everyday. BUT, he also gets to leave, be by himself for a car ride, listening to his own stuff (not Dora or JoJo Circus). He has had a day of going to the bathroom alone. If work gets too bad, he can close his office door for a few minutes of quiet. In contrast, I don't get to leave (okay, occasionally for a few hours, but basically 24/7 here), I rarely get to listen to anything in the car except Dora, JoJo, screaming, etc. I never get to the bathroom alone. It seems even when my husband is home, the kids find me in the bathroom (note: get the locks fixed on the bathroom). I can't close the doors on my kids (I know, I've tried).
So, it causes me extra stress when my husband comes home very angry and frustrated because now it's just more for me to take care of. I'm the moody one who pouts and complains. He's not allowed!
----------------------------------------------------
Now, I didn't post that when I wrote it yesterday before my husband arrived home. I feel ashamed. My husband, who did have another horrible day, was wonderful when he got home. He helped with the kids, gave them baths when I went food shopping, and, when we went to bed, asked, "do you want to go out tomorrow when I get home? I know it's been rough with the kids lately."
I am a horrible wife with the best husband in the world. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! (But, could he please pick up his dirty clothes?)
I know--who feels sorry for my husband?
posted by Nicole @ 4:47 PM
10 Comments:
At 9:49 AM,
JerseyGirl said…
I can only say that I can totally empathize with your plight. I too have very similar feelings by the end of the day. I feel awful about it because I do get a lot of help around the house and with Collin. Nonetheless, I am still completely spent and pissy by the end of the day. I guess I was pretty naive about the whole parenthood thing, but it never crossed my mind that I would need to be going to the bathroom and showering in front of my 7 month old!
At 12:59 PM,
Juliet said…
This is typical of many family where one parent works and the other doesn't, I think. I know that when my husband gets home, I am very chatty, and William is very excited to see him. Dave s usually happy to be back home with us, as well. But I don't think I fully understand the stress he experiences at work. Nor does he understand my stress. We try and be empathetic towards eachother, though. And you and your husband seem that way, too.
At 1:21 PM,
Babaloo said…
UGH!! Men!! Just when you are good and pissed they turn around and do something sweet, sensitive and that totally validates your feelings. Hmmm... I'm impressed that you expressed your many moods before the wedding. I saved most of mine for the marriage!
Oh, and maybe you should get that whole "you're the only one allowed to be moody" thing in writing. You know, for posterity!
At 6:29 PM,
chichimama said…
It is such a hard line to walk. And sometimes it seems unfair one way or the other. Cheers to hubby for offering to take the kids, hope you took him up on it.
At 10:28 PM,
Mama of 2 said…
You are NOT a horrible wife or person for that matter. I know where you are coming from with the first part of your post. We have all been there...feeling overwhelmed and needing the break and the help and not getting it for whatever reason. It's hard to plug through an entire day with the kids feeling like you have lost who you are for the little ones running at you feet. And while we love them to pieces that doesn't always make up for what we feel like we are missing. At least it doesn't for me.
So I say you are entitled to your post and your feelings and it is all the better that you do realize that your husband is a good guy and sees your stress from time to time.
I hope things on both of your job fronts (yours at home and his in the office( improve soon.
At 2:45 PM,
Denise said…
Raising children is HARD, especially when they are this young. We have 3 1/2 year old twins, and when my husband comes home, which, Lord knows why he does, I want him to put a drinl in my hand and not mind when I go to sleep at 8:00. Some days it works and some days it doesn't. DO NOT be hard on yourself!!
At 6:55 PM,
Bonnie B said…
You are preaching to the choir. My husband comes home-- when he comes home-- if he comes home-- a couple of times a month and when he does, he has forgotten what it is like to have children. And so, he is moody and crabby. Meanwhile, the bags under my eys have almost reached my ankles.
At 7:07 PM,
Happy0303 said…
I don't know if it's just me (firefox) but I can't make out any of your post that's posted on the dark brown section. I'm really bummed, I wanted to finish reading because it sounds like you're describing me!
At 7:59 AM,
BD said…
There are things worth enough that moods are an easy thing to deal with...
At 9:15 PM,
Anonymous said…
This is very interesting site... » »
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